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Among the many shocks Nigerians encounter
on arriving the shores of Europe and America is the almost embarrassing lifestyle of westerners and those Africans
already living in these areas, with the result that a good number of the new arrivals start questioning their imbibed
traditional values; questionings which eventually lead to a near copying of western ways of life and near rejection
of the "old fashioned" mentality.
Nigerians have traditional values, which we all learned from our different families and cultural backgrounds, values
which have helped to
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nurture us into responsible adults. Such values include among others, respect for elders and seniors, sense of
decency, hard work, community spirit, etc. These values are often thrown overboard when confronted with the "status
quo" on arrival in foreign lands. Let us be practical!
If you have ever waited for a train in a hot Saturday afternoon in any of the train stations in Europe and watched
how young boys and girls, under the age of fifteen, kiss and caress themselves, sometimes in front of their parents,
then you would understand what I am saying. If you have ever sat in a restaurant and been forced to watch an over-enthusiastic
couple in the first throes of a romance, snog, canoodle, and caress their way through a three-course meal, then
you will know what I am talking about. If you've ever gone to the cinema only to find that you are stuck behind
a couple slurping each other's faces throughout the movie, then, perhaps, you will agree with me that this sort
of behaviour is just not cricket. If you have ever seen an elderly woman fall flat on the floor of a public bus
because no minor was willing to give-off his/her seat, then you will realise how uncharitable this generation is
turning.
In Spain, the sight of straight men greeting each other with a friendly kiss on each cheek looks relaxed and normal.
Yet, when young Nigerian men who may have seen many Hollywood films about male bonding try to engage in manly hugs
and backslapping they just look awkward.
And in the Castro district of San Francisco, the sight of gay men and lesbians 'doing the thing' outside makes
you wonder and question if there is any more difference between humans and animals; more so, where the feeling
of shame has gone? Maybe it is time we took pride in being reserved and formal in public, instead of trying to
make ourselves into the sort of touchy-feely people we really are not, just to 'meet up' with the way of life in
the west.
Nigerians have decorum when it comes to lifestyle and affections. There are taboos also, which we recognise and
abhor. No disciplined lady in and from any Nigerian background would choose to go naked for instance. Neither would
any true Nigerian bring disgrace to him/herself. The sense of
decency takes a pride of place in Nigeria. We always carry the image of our families wherever we go. But in confrontation
with these tempting western ways of life, there seems to be a couple of Nigerians who are washed away by the uncontrollable
post-modern flood.
Granted there are quite a lot of good things to learn from west, let us not forget that public displays of affection
and its likes are best left to these westerners. They are experts in this field. As children, they are not brought
up to be embarrassed by the naked bodies, or by sex and romance in the way that Nigerian children seem to be. By
the time they reach their teens they have a completely different take on what it means to be passionate. It appears
to be something they are used to, like good wine. It is this relaxed approach to emotions and affection, which
places "Latin" countries in a completely different league in the romance stakes. After all, what is wrong
with a handshake or our Nigeria mode of greeting? Others may see us as cold and disinterested but to true Nigerians,
it is just a question of dignity.
Rev. Fr. Eusebius Chibueze Mbidoaka
Fr. Mbidoaka is a
doctoral candidate at the
Catholic University of Leuven, Belgium
Upholding our Nigerian Values in Foreign
Lands
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