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« Basic English Grammar for my Brother and those Interested | Main | The Two Levels of Ego Defenses »

April 15, 2006

Healing Human Relationships

by Ozodi Thomas Osuji, Ph.D. (Seatle, Washington) --- Lately, I have been preoccupied with finding a new direction for my life. What used to give me a sense of direction no longer does so. Old professions no longer satisfy me. Thus, I muse: what should I do with the rest of my life?

This morning, at 5: AM, I woke up at the tail end of a dream. May be this dream sheds light on what my direction should be? Here is the dream.
I was standing by the edge of a bush with my youngest brother, Paul. He went into the bush to search for something. I vaguely recall that he went into a hut somewhere in the bush to search for whatever he was looking for. After he had not returned in the longest time, I became worried for him and decided to go to into the bush and search for him.
As I was about to step into the bush, low and behold, he came out. He showed me attached letters that read HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS and asked me what I think of them? I bit on one of the alphabets to make sure that the letters were made of solid material; actually, I did not know why I bit with my teeth into the letters.
Before I could say something else he snatched the letters from my hands and ran off with them. He ran to a fellow buying stuff from sellers.
I was some distance from the buyer, watching his transactions with sellers. Paul approached him and showed him the stringed up letters. I could not hear what transpired between them. Apparently, the guy bought Paul’s stringed letters and asked him to go behind to another man to receive something in return for his letters. He did and came out with a whole bunch of guitars and stockfish’s and was coming in my direction with these handful of goodies, and just as he got to me I woke up from the dream.
The dream seemed important enough that I wrote it down and began thinking about its import. I decided to go type it and try to analyze it while typing it. Here I am.

What does this dream mean? Obviously, it has something to do with human relationships and selling it and making some profit from it. Could it mean that I am supposed to sell information on human relationship and from so doing making a living, a handful of living? I think so.
But before we evaluate the particular import of this dream, let us look at dreams in general.
The dreamer obviously is the projector of everything that happens in his dream. In dreams, the dreamer is thinking and somehow manages to think in images. His dream is his thinking translated into pictorial form for him to see.
The dreamer projects out all the persons and things in his dream. The seeming external world of his dream is an illusion. That seeming outside world is in his mind, is his thinking, and is his ideas. The seeming external world and people and things in it are ideas in the dreamer’s mind, ideas he gives form to, so as to experience them as if they are, in fact, outside of his thinking. But they are not outside of his thinking.
Ideas leave not their source, says A Course in Miracles. Ideas may seem external but they are still in the dreamer’s mind.

A Course in Miracles teaches that the seeming solid world we live in is composed of ideas in our collective and individual minds. As it sees it, all of us are the collective one Son of God.
According to its ontology, a myth of creation, God extended himself into a Son and that Son extended himself to other sons, who, in turn, did the same thing. Ultimately, there are infinite children of God who are collectively as one son to him.
God extended himself to his sons. He knows that his sons are in his mind, properly put, that they are ideas in his mind.
God is an idea, the idea of the whole; God’s children are ideas, ideas of parts of the whole. The whole needs parts to exist and parts need the whole to exist. So, whole and parts are necessary existents. God and his children necessarily must exist together for without one the other cannot exist. Without his children God cannot be a father and cannot be called a creator and a non-creative God does not exist. God and his children have existed forever and ever. (We are dealing in metaphors, of course; do not take anything said here as literal truth.)
God and his children are one self; God and his children share one self and one mind. God is in his children’s minds and his children are in his mind. The children are also in each other’s minds.
There is no space and gap between God and his children. Where God ends and his Son begin is no where, and where one son of God ends and another begin is nowhere. God and his children, God and his creation are literally one self and one mind.

Clearly, God and his children could not be inside each other if they were made of material things. Only the non-material and formless, that is, spirit, can be in each other. God and his children are spirit; they are formless unified spirit.
To be in each other, to be unified God and his children must be the same and coequal. Those who are different and unequal cannot unify. Where there are differences and inequality, as in our temporal world, there must be disunion and conflict. It is only in union, which requires sameness and equality would peace, joy, happiness and harmony prevail.
God and his creations, if you like, God and his children, is the same, equal (although God created his children, he is still equal to them) and are joined and unified.
Creation has no beginning and no end. There was no time that God did not exist and there was no time he was not creating and his children co-creating with him. In eternity, if you like, in heaven, God created his children and his children are creating their own children, ad infinitum.


While they remain in each other, while still unified, the children of God desired to separate from him and from each other. They wished so because they resented the fact that God created them and they did not create God and themselves. They wanted to go seem to have created themselves, create each other and, above all, create God. As it were, they wanted to kill their father, God, usurp his creator role, his throne, and go create their own world. (This is familiar Gnostic story of creation, of course, a myth, not truth.)
In reality, creation can only come from one source, God. If there were many sources of creation there would be chaos in the world. Thus, the children of God cannot create themselves and cannot separate from their creator and from each other.
Nevertheless, what cannot be achieved in reality can be dreamed. Dream is not reality. The dreamer remains his real self, unified spirit, and dreams that he is what he is not, a separated self housed in body.

As it were, the children of God cast a magical spell on themselves (Hinduism calls it Maya), and went to sleep. In their sleep, they dream that they are separated from each other and from their creator, God.
In their dream, each of them, with the help of all of them, invents a self concept and self image for himself. He, they do so with body and social experience.
(Physics has its own story of creation, a mythology given scientific mantle. According to the latest cosmology, fifteen or so billion years ago, a Big Bang took place in the universe. Prior to that explosion, all things were supposedly concentrated into a ball no larger than an atom. To know how small that ball was, consider that in a typical full stop, period, are millions of atoms. Yes, the world came into being from that small a factor. In nanoseconds after the explosion, whatever was inside the Presingularity ball formed particles? These particles later combined to form atoms. In time, as the hot universe cooled down, atoms differentiated into the various elements in the universe. Eventually, these elements combined to form biological life forms: trees, animals and, finally, human beings. There you have it, a story of creation as fanciful as the one found in the Christian Bible, Genesis. Yet intelligent men believe in this fantasy and if they can do so, I see no reason why you cannot accept another fantastic story that says that God extended himself to his children. Until we know for certain all we can do is speculate.)

Body formed from matter and space and time gives the dreamer a sense of being separated from other dream selves and from God. He can see where he seems to begin and end, in his body, and where other people seem to begin and end, in their bodies.
(According to Dr Helen Schucman and her A Course in Miracles, space, time and matter do not exist, in fact, but exist only in dream, the dream of separation and specialness. In reality, in eternity, in heaven only non-material spirit, a non material unified light…the Gnostic God is unified light without space and gap in it, each of us is part of that light… exists.)
Body gives us a sense of boundary from other people. In the temporal universe, we seem to live in bodies, in matter, space and time. These things make us seem separated from each other.
Upon manifestation in the temporal universe, upon birth on earth, each of us builds on his genetic inheritance, his body, and social experience, as George Kelly (Psychology as Personal Constructs) pointed out and constructs a self concept, an idea of who he thinks that he is. That self concept is transformed into a self image and seen in the mind’s eyes. The self concept and self image tells one that one is special and separated from God and other people. (The self concept is the same as the ego, the human personality.)

Since we invented our self concepts and self images, we seem to have created ourselves. Now, it is no longer God, who created us, it is us who seem to have created us. We now seem separated from God and from each other. The self concept, self image, ego, personality, as it were, is a replacement self that we made to substitute for the real self , unified self, holy self, that God created us as. In our world, we see space, time and matter separating us from each other and believe that we are separated from each other. The real self that God created us as is joined to him and to all other persons but the ego self, our current identity, believes that it is separated from God and from all other persons.

The temporal world is a dream, an illusion of self creation and separation. In it, we all seem housed in bodies and live in space and time and are separated from other selves and from God. The world is an illusion, actually a delusion for it is false yet it is believed as if it is real. As Ms Schucman sees it, our world is an insane place where we see what is not there and hear voices not spoken; we are all deluded and hallucinate; we are all insane. The world is a psychotic asylum, a nut house. (It figures! Whoever is proud that he is a body, a thing that when it rots, smells to high heaven must be a mad person? No wonder that I have always hated my body and wished for a non-physical self.)
What is wished for, believed, is seen in the perceptual world as real. Belief, that is, the desire for separation, the wish for self creation led to what we see in the world. The world of perception is a product of our wishes.
And we suffer because of our desires to be separated from the whole, God, and from each other. As Buddha recognized, twenty five hundred years ago, that desire to be self created and separated must be given up for the individual to end his suffering.
The separated self is housed in body; one must, therefore, give up the wish to live in body, which is to have a separated self, to end ones suffering.

In the temporal universe, we deny that we are united with God and with each other; we project each other out and house each other in houses made of matter and see each other as out there, but not as in us.
In eternity, in God, we are not in material forms; we know that we are in each other. In our temporal world we believe that we are outside each other. The world we see, the perceptual world shows us people who seem apart from us. Thus, the world reinforces the idea of separation.

In my dream at night I saw seeming other people. I saw my brother, Paul; I saw him go into a bush; I saw him come out of the bush; I saw him go to the buyer of antiques (?) and exchange his strung up letters (human relationships) for musical instruments (guitars) and food (stockfish).
As long as I am sleeping and dreaming the world of separation, the world I see seems real to me.
But when I woke up from my dream, I recognize that the world I had seen was in my mind. It was formed by ideas in my mind. I projected those ideas and the forms they were in out; I placed them in space and time and saw them as if they were, in fact, outside of me. This is an illusion.
In reality, the seeming outside world is in my mind. Ideas leave not their source. The seeming external others in my dream are ideas in my mind, as I am an idea in other people’s minds.
We mutually project each other out; we do not accept that we are extensions of each other, and are unified with each other.
The dreamer projects others out. He invents roles for each of them to play and has them play those roles. They play the roles as dramatic personae play roles in a play. It is the dreamer who wrote the script, although consciously he does not understand how he did it, and fitted willing characters into them. The dreamer uses others to play roles in his dream play and they use him to play roles in their own dream plays. We all use each other to play roles in our nightly dreams.

In my dream, I constructed a play and had my brother, Paul, play a role in it. I had all the people in the dream, buyers of human relationships etc do what they did in the dream.
The salient point, however, is that I did everything done in the dream via the auspices of seeming other people.
Other people have their own dreams and use the rest of us to enact roles called by their dream scripts.
The issue here is that the dreamer is responsible for his dream, for he invented it. (How he does so he does not know. I certainly do not understand how my mind constructs plays and enacts them out in my dreams, plays that even the best playwright, William Shakespeare, would find difficult to write. There must be a higher part of us that does these things.)
I played out the roles in my dream via dream persons/figures. I am the doer of everything that is done in my dream. I am Paul; I am the buyers of human relationship. I am the one who took the letters of human relationship and gave me guitars and fish. I am the one who did everything in the dream. (The guitar is metaphor for one to make music for the world, to give the world peace and happiness, to heal our relationships; fish is metaphor to feed people, to feed a hungry world.)

I once had a dream, a vision, really, where Jesus told me to go do something my own way, that my own way is really my own take on the universal theme that we are unified spirit and need to return to it; that we are dreaming that we are special and separated from each other and that we ought to awaken from that dream and return to the awareness of our union with each other and with God. He said that I will teach this message my own way, just as he and other real self enlightened persons have taught it their own ways, to those able to learn from the manner they taught it, and that those who are able to learn it from the manner that I teach it would come to me and learn it from me. That I should not waste my time trying to teach it the way he or others (particularly Hindus) taught it, for every teacher of God’s message of love teaches it in his own manner, for those who are able to learn it best in that manner. (Since other people are one, one teaches it in a way one is able to learn it.)
The Jesus in my dream obviously was produced by my mind. Jesus is the idea of Christ, the awakened son of God in our minds. Since I was raised as a Catholic, I had that Jesus clothed as a Catholic priest. I gave the idea of Christ in form, Jesus, a role to play in my dream and had him tell me to go do my own thing. In reality, I told me to go teach the universal gospel of union and love in my own way. (Please note that this interpretation does not mean that the actual Jesus does not exist and visit us; he exists and visits us daily; he was in my dream; he is part of our higher self, our Christ self.)
It was not the historic Jesus that told me what to do, but the Jesus that my mind produced. The actual Jesus is not a person but an idea in my mind and in your mind, an idea that I give whatever role I wanted him to play for me to play.
Traditional Christians made Jesus to represent the idea of the innocent lamb who takes away the sins of the world; they made him die for their sins, so that they would continue sinning. They made Jesus play the role they want him to play.
In truth, Jesus is the idea of the son of God who, while on earth, in space, time and matter, remembered his oneness with his father and all his brothers; he is the prodigal son who went on a journey away from his father and then relinquished the idea of separation and ended the journey to nowhere, the journey without a distance and went home, returned to the awareness of union with God and all of us.
Jesus no longer has individuality and is no longer in body, space and time but is now in spirit; he is now an idea inside God and inside all of our minds.

This dream tells me to sell the idea of human relationship to God’s seeming separated children. The dream tells me to help people unify, to close the gap that separates them. (Close the gap is metaphor for there will always be gap and space between people while they live in bodies, space and time; it is metaphor to love all people; love joins people together.)
That is saying that my function is to sell the idea of love to me and to all people. If I sell ideas on human relationship, love, I would make music to the world; I would feed the world, feed it with spiritual food. (According to Jesus, in the Bible, fish is the symbol of spiritual food, that is, the word of God, love is food four souls.)

In the temporal universe, we see ourselves as separated from each other. Each of us seems to think that his self interests are different from other people’s self interests. We pursue our different self interests. In doing so, we clash with each other. We live in a world of conflict. We lack peace, happiness and harmony.
Selling, that is, teaching about good human relationships means showing me and people how to heal our disordered human relationships. Love is what heals our sick relationships; so, I am supposed to be selling love to people.
The seller of an idea must first sell it to himself, for he needs it most. I have problems with human relationships. I tend to feel separated from other people. I tend to consciously feel superior to other people. Superiority feeling alienates the individual from other people. My sense of superiority and consequent separation from other people makes it impossible for me to unify with other people.
Other people, in different forms, do what I do, that is, they feel superior to me and to each other and are separated from me and from each other. Thus, we live in a world of separation (produced by our mutual sense of superiority), inequality, differences and conflict.
My function, my new profession, is to show me and to show the world how to heal our interpersonal conflicts, how to heal our human relationships. Love is what heals us. Love joins us together. In love we find social peace and happiness.
This dream tells me that I am to market knowledge of how to heal our human relationship conflicts (through love).

What heals, that is, what joins our separated selves is love. Love joins the separated; love closes the space and gap between people. When we love one another we heal our separated selves for love unifies all of us.
In real terms this means that since I feel separated from other people that I join other people via loving other people. It means that it is my sense of superiority that made me feel separated from other people and that if I give that false feeling up and accept my equality with all people, I would unify with all people. And since other people, too, were doing what I was doing, feeling superior to one another and consequently being separated from one another, I show them how to be unified via accepting our sameness, equality and love for one another.


In the world of space, time and matter, on earth, human beings do bad things to one another.
To love them is to forgive what they did to each other. To love a person who has done one wrong is to overlook what he did wrong and see the Christ in him. To love is to forgive the past wrongs of other people, the wrongs people did in the past. When one forgives others wrongs, their pasts, one forgives ones own wrongs and past.
If one can, in fact, forgive other people, overlook their wrongs, ignore the evils human beings do on earth, one would unify with them, literally. One would exit from the temporal world, leave the world of space, time and matter and return to the awareness that one is always living in the world of spirit.
We live in spirit, God, love, union while dreaming that we are separated from it.
Forgiveness denies this world of separation and returns one to the awareness of union. This is what Jesus did; he forgave the world’s wrong and returned to the consciousness of his oneness in spirit. He exited the world of forms and is now in the mind of God and all of us as the idea of Christ (which we can give forms).
Christ is the son of God who knows that he is one with God and all of us and loves all of us.

Forgiveness ends the world of forms, space and time. But most of us do not want to leave the world of forms, yet. We do not want to end the dream of specialness and separation; we still want to be in this world.
As long as we are in this world we cannot totally forgive one another. At best, we practice attenuated forgiveness, but not total forgiveness.
If I forgive the past, the past no longer exists. The world is a world of past, present and future, a linear world. If I forgive the past, that is, overlook the past, I have removed one stand of that tripod world, so the others will no longer stand.
A world without the past is a world without a future and present, as we know it; it is an ended world.
Forgiveness, that is, true love, ends the world of separation and returns us to the world of union, to the eternal present, the world of God, the world without space, time and matter.
But we do not want the world, as we know it, to end. So we do not want to completely forgive one another. We do not want to return to spirit, yet. So what should we do?


When we separated from God and from each other, God created a new self, the Holy Spirit and used that self to correct the mistake of separation we made. God as the Holy Spirit entered the temporal world, entered into our minds and gradually teach us to remember our true self, our unified self. The Holy Spirit gradually teaches us to forgive one another our sins. When we completely forgive each other our sins the world ends and we all return to the world of union.
God knows that his children want to be in this world so he permits us to be here. To be here means to be special and separated from each other, to seek our individual self interests and to punish those who wrong us. The world is maintained by separation and punishment. The separated self wants to be here on earth and resents those who do things that interfere with it being here; it bears grievances and grudges and seeks revenge, vengeance and punishment for those who offends it. We set up our judicial and penal systems to punish those who threaten our individual survival and the military and police to kill those who attack us.
The Holy Spirit gradually teaches us that we should not punish each other but should forgive each other our wrongs. If and when you remember the Holy Spirit and ask him to guide you, he will always tell you to forgive the wrong doer, to correct his wrong, to teach him love.

The Holy Spirit, God, does not destroy the world of bodies, space and time we made but remakes it into a loving world; he reinvents the world of space time and matter into a loving world of space, time and matter.
Ultimately, the Holy Spirit remakes the world into a world of light forms, a world still in forms and space and matter but a world where love exists more than it exists in our current world.
Actually, the Holy Spirit, God in the temporal universe has already remade our world, remade each of our bodies into light bodies and our world into a light world. (Your siblings, parents, friends and pet, all animals, all trees, everything on this earth are already existing in light forms and you will see them in the after death world. That world is not real; it is like our world, an illusion, a dream but one that approximates heavenly reality. The world folks see in near death and out of body experience is also a dream world; nevertheless, it is as real as our current world seems to us. However, as an unreal world it is temporary and like our world would end as we all enter the formless and changeless world of God.)
When we forgive the world of dense bodies we see the already remade world of light bodies. (I have actually seen my light body; it is exactly like my present body except that it is made of pure photons, light. That light self is also an illusory self. The real self is formless unified spirit self.)
In the meantime, the Holy Spirit is in our right minds (while the ego is in our left minds) urging us to love and forgive one another; to see all attacks on us as a call for us to love the attacker, for the attacker defined himself as an ego and believes that attack is productive, that attack gives him what he wants and, moreover, believes that one has already attacked him by separating from him.
All attack on one is a call for love when love, union, is missing. A brother’s call for love deserves love, so forgive the attacker and insist that he learn to love rather than attack.

In line with the mission of the Holy Spirit, I teach people not to do evil things to one another. I teach people to correct their evil past. Where you had hated other people, now love them; where you did wrong, now do right. That is to say that I want to correct the past, I want to correct our wrong behaviors; I want to teach us to love rather than hate.
However, I am not yet completely overlooking the past. If I did, I would no longer be in the temporal world; I would escape from this world and return to the world of unified spirit. I do not yet want to negate our temporal world. I want to improve this world but not completely transcend it.
If you do me wrong, I want you to be arrested and put in jail and while in jail taught how to do right. I do not overlook your wrong, as I should if I completely forgive you. I merely insist on correcting your wrong but not overlooking it.
You and I are still in the world of space, time and matter, and making it somewhat happy and peaceful. We are gradually healing our relationships, that is, learning to love one another, but we have not yet transformed them into holy relationships where we know that we are one self. We are still in this world, not in the light world invented by the Holy Spirit of God in us.


What this attenuated solution means is that one still has not given up the desire that gave rise to this world.
This world came into being when we desired to seem separated from God and from each other; when we desired to seem different and unequal. That wish and desire must be completely given up for one to return to unified spirit, aka God; for one to feel oneness with all being.
When the desire that gave rise to the world is given up, one experiences oneness, a spirit state where the material world of space and time disappears and one is no longer in the world of forms.
As Buddha correctly recognized, the world came into being from our desire to have a separated, superior self and as long as one retains that desire one must be in this world; one must have form, body, and if one dies while still having that desire one must return to this world, reincarnation, and keep coming back until one learns that the cause of the world is desire for separated, special self and give it up and accept unified same and equal self.
When one relinquishes the separated ego self housed in body and experiences unified spirit self, one is now enlightened to our true nature, unified light; one is illuminated to the light of God, the light of oneness in all of us.
In meditation, one can give up the wish for separated self, give up the ego self and the human personality, give up the wish for life in body and literally experience ones self reawaken to living in unified spirit. This is doable and must be done by each of us, when we are ready to return home.
However, if one still chooses to live in the world of forms, as Buddha did, one returns from the unified experience, and comes back to teach those here that we are unified.
To live in the world of forms, our world, one must have some separated self, some ego, some sense of specialness and superiority to other people (if only to teach them about God) some human personality, albeit purified and cleansed with love and forgiveness (not total love and forgiveness, for total love and forgiveness would make one stay in unified spirit, as Jesus did).

This temporal world of space, time and matter will last more millions of years before all children of God awaken to their awareness of oneness. I, therefore, choose to be here and be an ego, a purified and cleansed ego, and gradually teach us to love one another while exploring science and technology.
I like science and technology too much to leave this world. The world of matter, space and time are obviously illusory and do not exist, in fact, and only seems to exist in a dream state. Nevertheless, I want to explore that illusory world scientifically.
I am fascinated by science and want to explore this world scientifically and do not want to leave it yet. I am having ball studying science and technology, studying an illusion. This is my choice and I am entitled to that choice.
Provided the son of God knows what he is doing, and he always knows what he is doing, although he can choose to forget to know and seem unconscious of his motivations, he is permitted to be in the world of separation and take the consequences of his action.
Because I have not chosen to completely negate matter, space and time, because I opt to still live in body, I will be subjected to all the pains and sufferings the human body is prone to. Thus, I still feel pain. That is my choice. I am not complaining. I receive what I desired, sorrow and pain.
Nobody did this to me but me. If I give up my wish to live as a separated self, hence as a body I would end my pain, now and return to unified spirit.


I have reduced the level of my pain and suffering by eliminating my desire for an ideal self. When I was younger, I rejected my pained body and ego-self and sought an idealized self. I posited an ideal self and wanted to become it.
I used the standards of the ideal self to judge me and other people. In doing so, I lived in anxiety and psychological pain (anxiety, anger, sadness, paranoia, the human fare).
As Karen Horney and Alfred Adler pointed out, the pursuit of ideal, superior self is what neurosis is all about. (See Adler, The Neurotic Constitution; Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth.)
The neurotic experiences exaggerated anxiety, fear, anger and sadness and paranoia from his effort to become his idealized, superior self and bring that idealized self’s world into being. As long as one wants to be an ideal self one must fear not being it. That fear of not becoming an ideal self is anxiety. The neurotic lives with perpetual free floating anxiety.
But when the individual gives up his desire for a ideal superior self, when he relinquishes the wish for ideal self and accepts his real self, his body, as it is, and does not wish for a fantasy body that is ideal or for a fantasy ideal world and fantasy social institutions he eliminates his neurotic anxiety; he feels like a heavy weight is taken off his shoulders and he feels relaxed.
However, he does not eliminate fear. As long as he undertakes to live as a separated self in body he must be prone to some fear, for it is fear that protects the body and separated self.
When pursuit of the ideal self is given up, one is now normal in ones fearfulness, not neurotic in ones fearfulness. One still suffers human fear, anger, sadness, paranoia etc and will continue to do so until one completely relinquishes all wish for separated special self, real or ideal and embrace our unified spirit self.


Dreams can tell one a lot about ones self and the direction ones life ought to be taking. Year’s ago, I was teaching at a university and was getting nowhere. I had a dream. In that dream, I was trying to enter the University’s student’s union building and noticed that ropes were laid all over the entrance, preventing me from entering the building. I went around the building and tried to walk up stairs that would lead into the building. I found that ropes were tired all across the right side rails thus preventing me from climbing the stairs. On the left hand side, I saw folks walking down the stairs and I walked over there to walk up the stairs and saw the same ropes tired on the rails and preventing me from climbing up. In the meantime, other people were now walking on the right side of the stairs, the side that I had left and as I got there, I saw the same ropes, again. Baffled, I woke up and wrote the dream down.
Clearly my path was being blocked, but what was blocking my path? Could it mean that something inside me is blocking my path, something that I had to change?
A few days after this dream, I was turned down for a higher level position that I had applied at the university. Some one with fewer skills was hired. I felt totally angry and quit my teaching position and left town.
My prideful ego felt humiliated and rejected and had to go rehabilitate its injured vanity.
But now that I have had sufficient time to think about the dream of ropes, what was going on was that something in me did not want me to waste my time in academia. My path in academia was being blocked (by me, by my dislike of the dance folks dance just to survive in academia).
I am an independent person and like to do my own thing and not do things to please other people. I had to leave the university environment to go be myself, to go teach what makes sense to me, not what is publishable in academic journals.
That dream and this present dream tell me that I have to teach what makes sense to me, how to improve human relationships, beginning with improving my own human relationships. The dreams tell me to teach about love.
A teacher of love must first teach himself to love; he must first correct his own problems with lack of loving his real self and other people before he can help other people to correct their own unloving problems.
One cannot correct other people’s problems; even the Holy Spirit cannot correct other people’s mistakes; all that one can do is model and teach love and leave it to other people to choose to learn and when to learn it. Atonement is first meant for the atonement worker.
Generally, I do not get along well with people. I tend to quickly and correctly assess people, see people for who they are, imperfect, and not have respect for them. I tend to judge them with my ideal standards and find them wanting and reject them.
Naturally, they would see that I do not respect and love them and they would start working against me. And before long I would either cut off from them or they would cut off from me and the relationship would end.
I would say good riddance and say who cares for people; I can live by myself and do not need people. Of course, I need people (a child whistling in the dark is trying to seem courageous when he is afraid).
My approach to people is approach avoidance. I have an avoidant personality. I like people but I avoid them. In avoiding them I manage to retain my ideal special self and not feel the same and equal with all people.
Avoidance is a means of retaining the illusion of ones superior self and differences.


In eternity we are unified. We sought specialness and separated from each other and manifest on earth. On earth we are all alone; aloneness produces existential anxiety and no one wants to live alone. As separated persons we feel incomplete and seek completion in the company of other people. In other to get along with other people, we make compromises. For example, as a shy avoidant personality I used to please other people hoping that in doing so that they would like me. But that does not work for to please assume that one has a big self that pleases other people.
Our earthly relationships, special relationships in the language of A Course in Miracles, are characterized by tension, anxiety, sadness, unhappiness and other unpleasant emotions. Our relationships are disordered.
On earth, we are not ordered and our relationships cannot be ordered. Our true self is spirit; we are infinite spirits in one unified spirit, and we chose to live as separated minds housed in bodies.
On earth, we relate to each other from bodily standpoints. When we see each other we first see bodies. Men see women and the first thing they do is evaluate their bodies for sexual attractiveness. In doing so, we negate our true selves, the spirit in us and emphasize our false physical selves. Simply stated, our earthly relationships are unsatisfying and need healing; our relationships need to be made satisfactory.
Love is what makes any thing satisfactory. Our true nature is love and when we are in an unloving situation we cannot be happy and at peace with ourselves. Love is what heals our currently disordered human relationships; love joins people together; love unifies people; love returns us to our natural home, heaven, a place of union with all creations and their creator.
To love, the people involved must be totally equal. But on earth we want to seem unequal and different. Men fancy themselves better than women; some races fancy themselves superior to others. Belief in inequality is a delusion for in spirit we are equal.
Those who are equal do not please one another; they love one another and accept one another as they are.
We try forming substitute unions, such as in marriages and our other social relationships, but each member of these perfect union replacement associations reserve the right to leave them at any time. Both partners in a marriage, for example, assume that separation is always an option for them. Therefore, those in these replacement unions never feel totally unified and safe with others, for they could leave at any time.
Those in these special relationships feel insecure, for they know that their partners can leave them to their existential aloneness at any time, despite trying to bribe them to stick around.
What works is real love. Love, as I have pointed out, entails forgiving what people do on earth and appreciating their spirit self, the Christ in them.
Forgiveness overlooks the body and what is done in body and focuses on the spirit inside that body (spirit is actually not inside the body, for the body does not exist). In true love, the individual overlooks others bodies and unifies with their spirit as one self.
In spiritual union with other people one feels secure knowing that spirit is permanent and cannot be destroyed; no one can leave one in spirit.

This solution is, of course, easier said than done. In the world we live in, we prefer to be separated selves housed in bodies. In fact, most of the things we do on earth are designed to keep separation and body alive.
Body has its laws (nutrition, medicine, security needs… society’s laws protect bodies and the egos living in them). Just about everything we do on earth is an effort to defend our bodies (we defend our bodies with food, clothing, shelter, medications, governments, laws of society that punish offenders to protect innocent persons etc).
The wish to live as separated self housed in body produces all the things we do on earth. If the wish to live as separated self is given up, if the desire to be special and different from other people is given up and one return to the desire for union then one would no longer be a body and would actually die, that is, awaken to non-material state, to unified state.
If we let go of all desires to be separated, special selves and forgive the world, overlook the world, ignore the world and not defend ourselves when we are attacked, become defenseless to others attack, we would exit from this world and return to unified spirit. But we do not want to do so, yet.
The world is defense of ego, defense of separated self and defense of body. All that we call work in this world is no more than producing what enables people to adapt to the world as separated selves in bodies.
If you are able to produce what enables other bodies (and the egos in those bodies) to physically survive, they buy it from you and you make a decent living, but if you do not produce what helps the body live well you are out of luck and will be poor. (In making a career choice, ask yourself this realistic question: what do other people need to adapt as egos and bodies to this world that you can produce and sell to them? Some of us, the teachers of love, are, however, meant to sell the idea of love, the idea of joining, the idea of union, the idea of working for our common interests.)

Very few persons want to give up the desire to live on earth. The most many of us do is give up our desire for neurotic ego ideal self (secular psychotherapy accomplishes this end and can go no further) and retain the desire for life in body and become normal persons. We attain what we might call normal state of peace and happiness, but not the peace and happiness of having no separated self at all, the bliss of unified state.
(Only spiritual psychology, a metaphysics that teaches no-self, selflessness, giving up the separated self, giving up the ego and embracing our unified self can get people to the greater peace and joy of God.)
In eternity, in heaven we are already joined and unified. Heaven is permanent, so we are always unified. But in the dream, on earth we seem separated from each other. We can heal our separated selves by seeking ways to join all people in some form. If we completely healed the separation, that is, remembered our joined state, we would give up all efforts at protecting separated self, defending body and would awaken in unified spirit. But we do not want to do that, and that is fine by God.


What we can do is seek attenuated union. Here, we do not completely forgive those who wronged us; we use the law authorities to arrest, try and jail them. That is, we punish criminals to make us feel safe. To punish is an ego behavior. But while they are in jail, we try to correct their behaviors by teaching them to love rather than harm other people.
(To punish wrongful behaviors is an ego behavior. To correct wrongful behaviors is a Holy Spirit behavior. In effect, we are combining the ego’s and Holy Spirit’s approach to salvation, punishment and forgiveness.)

Those who identify with their separated selves and bodies tend to work hard to make a good living to support their separated selves and the bodies that house them. Most successful persons on earth are persons who identify with their separated selves and bodies; they are happy to be in the dream of separation and are not yet aware that the world is a dream.

Those who do not like the dream; those who do not like their bodies, (say due to the fact that they are too painful, I hated my body) and desire ideal bodies and ideal selves are pursuing a fantasy that would never come into being.
They pursue their ideal selves rather compulsively, for neurosis must be compulsive to be real to the individual. In the process they disturb their peace and lack peace, happiness and joy.
If they were to stop pursuing ideal selves they would eliminate their neurotic anxiety and stress and return to normal fear, stress, depression and paranoia.
(Normal persons, blacks, whites and Asians are generally people who value their egos and bodies and identify with them and work for their upkeep; these people tend to succeed in life. Neurotics are folks who reject their bodies, see them as worthless and valueless and posit ideal selves and pursue them and seldom do what they have to do to make a good living in this world, they live in castles in the sky, in fantasies; they tend to be poor.)


Our primary goal in this world is to adapt to the exigencies of this world. Those who want to survive here must do so. Science and technology are obviously the best means for adapting to this world.
Trying to adapt to the ideal self and ideal world is an escape into fantasy; trying to adapt to the spiritual world is also an escape of sorts for it does not put food on the table but takes one outside the world of matter and returns one to the world of spirit. There is no eating of food in spirit.
Therefore, in as much as we must be here on earth for the next millions of years, we must seek realistic ways to adapt to the earth’s material realities.

We have three different worlds: the material world of space, time and matter, the world of light reinvented from our material world by the Holy Spirit, and the world of God, the formless unified spirit.
In our world, we have to struggle to earn our daily bread. In the world of light forms there is no struggle for our daily bread, for we do not need bread, light does not need physical food.
In our world folks do harm each other. Each person has independent ability to harm other people. Jesus himself was killed by his brothers despite his doing good work for them. That is to say that in his dream of doing well that those dreaming of evil visited him with their evil.
The world is a mutual dream and other dreamers do affect one, positively or negatively, as one affects other dreamers, positively or negatively. In this world, therefore, people must protect themselves from evil persons; they must protect themselves from those bent on evil dreams.
Consider pedophiles. These evil persons are bent on having sex with children. Obviously, we cannot let them loose on the streets and permit them to impose their evil desires on children. We must arrest and punish them, put them away in jails. We cannot forgive them for even if a child asks an adult for sex the adult must not do it. It is not good enough to say, as flippant new age religionists say, that all of us experience what we want to experience. A five year old who is molested by a Catholic priest did not ask to be molested and even if he did his asking is irrelevant. Children do not have good judgment. We must arrest and incarcerate evil persons but while in jail we must teach them pro-social behaviors. (As already observed, this is a compromised solution that maintains this world by mixing the ego and Holy Spirit’s approaches to justice. The ego seeks punishment, death, for pedophile, the Holy Spirit seeks forgiveness for them. We combine both approaches and punish and rehabilitate them and keep them in prison for however long it takes to correct their evil behaviors and if we cannot correct them keep them there for life.)


We need do nothing to return to spirit for spirit is always there and if we let go of our desire to live as separated ego selves and do not defend our egos and bodies we die to the ego and resurrect to the awareness that we are unified spirit. Spirit is eternal and does not need food to survive.
On earth, on the other hand, we need to do something to earn our daily bread; we need to work for it.

Jesus discovered that this world is a dream and left it, but those who still come here obviously want to live here and must be helped to adapt to the exigencies of this world. Science and technology is our best hope for adapting to the needs of this world, not religion or metaphysics.
Religion and metaphysics, however, is useful for they give folks hope for life after death.
Living from the real self, that is, not pretending to be an ideal self enables the individual to find inner peace and happiness. Relating to all people from the real self, without the presumptions of the ideal self, makes for peaceful social living, and if added the spiritual (loving) dimension, for healed (joined) living.


My job is to help people to remember love and forgiveness and bring love into their social relationships. When people love one another, that is, overlook their bodies and see the divinity in them, and love that divine self, and work for our common social interests, they have, in attenuated form, and closed the gap between them. They have healed their sick relationships.
Whoever loves people and teaches people to love one another is a teacher of love. A teacher of love is a teacher of God. A teacher of love, a teacher of union, a teacher of God teaches people to heal their disjointed relationships; he teaches people to unify rather than separate from one another. He teaches by example, by loving all people, by unifying with all people, and as much as is possible by forgiving those who wronged him.

Ozodi Thomas Osuji
5:AM, March 20, 2006
Spring is for healing human relationship.

Posted by Administrator at April 15, 2006 08:31 AM


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