Our supposed leaders come in different shapes and sizes, they also come with different tastes, expectations and fantasies as regards their choice of women ranging from ikebe, lekpa, American specs, European specs, double- action, sweet sixteen, Big mama etc, some of them though, in all fairness have remained in the ‘past’, staying loyal to their wives and ensuring that their trousers or shokoto remain zipped or roped up always. But for the rest of them, they may have finally found their match in the 37 year old King Mswati 111 who is only still married to 13 wives, not any where near his late father’s 70 wives record.

For some of our profligate leaders the king may just be their most influential role model yet, and to think that my late grand father Nze Nkaonadi Nworah Okeke who only managed a ‘lowly’ and ‘pitiable’ 3 wives went about town like a warrior and conqueror when his mates were marrying tens of wives, i wonder what he would have said if he was here today to hear the king’s story.

The brother rules over Swaziland, a poor and impoverished land in Southern Africa with a population of about 1.1 million, his people live mostly on huts and survive on just the equivalent of 50 American cents a day but that is the least of his worries. He appears bent on breaking both his father’s and King Solomon’s record of the King with the most concubines and wives. He is surely on his way though. Still in his 30s, he already has 2 fiancées, 13 wives and has ‘only’ managed to father 23 children till date.

Now I understand why majority of Germans were angry with Americans during the Monica Lewinsky affair, they couldn’t understand the fuss over Monica, cowboy Bill and his famous cigar. Such malfeasance in Germany is actually a way of life and a positive sign of manhood, a man like Bill Clinton in Germany will be applauded and given a loud ovation, a sure sign that men are still alive and that the feminization of man that Rudolf Okonkwo wrote about is yet to show up on their shores.

In Germany Bill would have been considered a saint, especially when you consider that Gerhard Schroeder (their former Chancellor) is currently trialling his fourth marriage with Doris Kopf. To the average German, all that Bill did wrong was to stay married to one woman – Hillary plus that ‘one off’ indulgence with Monica, an act that is not anywhere near the heroics of the true greats.

Anyway, back to the great one of Swaziland. As a man, Just be honest, do you envy him? Would you wish to swap places with him for a day? Especially during the occasion of the annual reed dance when over 20,000 young virgins and maidens strut out half-naked in the village square and expose their goods and wares to the king, pleading, waiting and hoping to be selected as wife number X.

Surely the king is stretching his customer (or is it suitor?) rights to the limits, inspecting the goods first before buying.

I am still surprised though that in all their foreign travels, none of our leaders have yet been reported to have visited Swaziland. They chose rather to hunt and fish in local and nearby colleges and universities and also in London and America where their several mistresses get paid to look after government treasury on their behalf, although with the recent happenings and plights of the likes of Joshua Dariye of Plateau state, and D.S.P Alamieyeseigha (I hope I got the spelling right), London and America may no longer be ideal for such executive past times. If only King Mswati 111 knew of the affinity he has with some of our leaders, and the passion they share together, I am sure he would be glad to have willing allies in them.

After seeing the photos from the annual kingly wife selection event, it would be interesting to see if any of our leaders would undertake to visit the king as special guests of honour (a privilege our excellencies cherish so much), if tomorrow the king extends any such invitations to them and they indeed accept, at least you know why they have accepted the invitations.

The king apparently is a smart man, already thinking of the chastity of his future wives, just like his late father King Sobhuza 11, he once banned teenage sex in his country, a ban which he broke and eventually revoked when he married a 17 year old school girl and paid a fine of a cow as a result, some people have life easy you may say.

This ban, a protectionist policy and measure was borne not out of love for his country nor to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS which currently afflict over 40% of his kinsmen and women, but rather to ensure that no other man touches the young girls, as any of them could still potentially be one of his wives in the future.

I still think that Nigerians should be ashamed of themselves for their criticisms of our leaders and their ways, especially with women. We are being unfair to them because they haven’t even gone any where near a third of King Mswati’s bootylicious exploits yet, the king and his country do not have the type of resources that our leaders have at their disposals and see how many women the king controls, this means that our leaders deserve more, they are not yet up there in the rankings, if they were, Jonathan Elendu and Omoyele Sowore would have longed exposed the brand and quantity of condoms they use per week (if any) , as well as the names and addresses of the shops where they are bought. Do we still require any further evidence to show that our leaders are still playing in the minor league?

We should just leave them alone to indulge before they change their minds and go into exile to Swaziland where their soul mate is beckoning, and then we won’t benefit anymore from their great leadership and wisdom. Such a situation will definitely cause great uproar and turmoil in the land, especially amongst the female folks (the beneficiaries of government contracts and other pecks from the largesse of our leaders’ kindness).

We don’t want to put these women out of work and then swell the ranks of the unemployed in our land, do we?

Uche Nworah is a freelance writer and lives in London. uchenworah@yahoo.com